Mental Health in Goaltending

Let me start off by saying, I’m very happy that talking about mental health is becoming more mainstream.

I also agree that building mental “toughness” through adversity is an incredibly important part of goaltending and life.

Despite what people say, those are not mutually exclusive things.

I am not a mental health expert. I refer all my goalies to either @mentalcoachliv or @alignyourhockeymind. I recommend reaching out to either of them if you have any questions. (I have two that I work with because I want to make sure my athletes find the right fit for them).

I want to talk a little bit about my mental health playing pro.

I was lying on my hotel room bathroom floor, crying on the phone with Bob (my mental coach) because I physically couldn’t leave to go to the game.

This was my lowest point.

How the f$%! did I get here? I asked myself as tears rolled down my face

Only in retrospect can I see what went wrong.

1. I had some serious underlying anxieties

2. I was too stubborn to seek help

I always thought I was mentally strong. Growing up, I was cut from 3x more teams than I made. I went from starting 4 games a year in Jr. B to winning the RBC cup the next (Canadian Jr. A championship). From third string in college to top goalie in the country for two years straight.

I had it all figured out right?

Turns out I hadn’t even scratched the surface…

As I turned pro, and received my first NHL paycheque, hockey suddenly turned from something I did for fun, into a job.

If I wanted to put food on my table, buy a house, have a car, get married, all the “grown-up” things that cost money, I would have to perform. Every single night.

I was okay with this. I had a 2 year entry-level deal, I was guaranteed money, I was a top prospect, I tore up the ECHL my first year, no biggie. I’ve got this.

Into my contract year I became acutely aware that if I didn’t perform, the money would stop.

Cue performance anxiety.

Combine that with a traffic jam of goalies in front of me and my stubbornness to go see a professional. It was a perfect storm.

I did a decent job of hiding my struggles. My play had ups and downs, but I always found some way to justify it in my head like my team wasn’t good, or I was tired etc.

Dealing with the stress and pressure I put on myself, hockey started to lose its fun.

Worse than that, life started to lose its fun.

I found out after I retired that when your anxiety becomes so bad, the body can develop depression in order to “numb the pain” from the anxiousness.

It was better to feel nothing than to feel stressed.

I did reach out to help. Actually, helped found me.

Bob Broton of Align Your Mind was just starting his Mental Coaching business in Winnipeg and reached out looking for goalies to work with.

I didn’t know it at the time but it was a saving grace.

I’ll be honest, my reluctance to initially seek help put me in a significant mental deficit. The damage was too deep to be completely undone.

Despite that, working with Bob, I was able to extend my career another 2 years. It wasn’t easy and I still struggled mentally in those last 2 years but I developed the tools to manage it.

In future newsletters, I’ll have both Bob and Olivia write pieces on the mental side of athletes because they are experts.

The purpose of this piece is to draw attention to the importance of asking for help. If you’re a goalie or a goalie parent, please look for possible mental health red flags.

Seek expert help. It is their job to keep you healthy. It’s okay if you can’t do it on your own.

It’s okay to not be okay.

It’s not okay to not do anything about it.

-Jamie

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